Flareup.

Every once and a while, I will have what I call a ‘relapse flareup.’  This is where I’ll suddenly get a panic attack of epic proportions, and I’ll be rendered incapacitated for about an hour.  This happened to me at work today, as a result of my worrying about my colitis and other personal issues.  I was terrified, but something wonderful happened as a result of it: I knew I had another four hours at work, so I got over it, and powered through.  And now, I feel almost completely fine.

I started out my day (after a half hour of Tae-Bo core work and 25 minutes on the elliptical) with a Golden Delicious Apple.  I love Golden Delicious apples because of their unique sweetness.  They’re much sweeter than the other species of apples, almost to the point of lushness.

Then I ate a bowl of oatmeal.  Plain, ordinary Bob’s Red Mill Hot Cereal with 1/2 c Almond Milk, 1 tbsp Stonewall Kitchen Bellini Jam, and a handful of blueberries. 

Delicious, but SO BORING.

I’m trying to have a bland, smooth diet, so I couldn’t put any granola or AB on it (SADNESS).  It almost looked like the oats I used to eat back when I compulsively overexercised, which kind of scared me a little.  But my mom assured me I was eating enough, and actually during this time, I realized that I had been eating enough during my phase.  I was just working out too much.  I need to go back to plain, normal food, and not make every single meal a gourmet experience no matter how much I want to (and trust me, I want to, I wanted to throw so much stuff in this bowl!)

I paired my breakfast with a small bowl of cherries to give me a little more oomph:

My stomach was satisfied but utterly swollen.  It continued that way through work.  But I managed to choke down my lunch, another boring, lifeless meal.

Boar’s Head Turkey and Olivia’s Baby Spinach on a lavash wrap, with baby carrots, a peach, and an unpictured Prune Activia.  Yeah, I had to get Activia.  I’ll probably eat it tomorrow morning, too.  It was surprisingly delicious! Sweet and creamy with chunks of dried plum.  I’m one of the only four people alive who actually loves prunes.  I prefer to call them dried plums, which makes them sound MUCH tastier!  I also had a green tea at work, which I thought would speed up my digestive system.  Unfortunately it just led to me being jittery and didn’t really make a dent.

All in all, it was a satisfying lunch, but boring.  I tried to jazz up my dinner because I didn’t have a snack today, I was in no mood to eat anything with my stomach.

Grilled chicken with peach sauce, steamed asparagus, sweet potato, Smart Balance

With a side of carrots and ketchup

All in all, not bad!

For dessert, a bowl of strawberries, blueberries, Tru Whip and a small spoonful of Stonewall Kitchen Sour Cherry Jam

I loooooove Tru Whip.  It’s much better for you than Cool Whip, and the taste is just miles better.

All in all, I’m satisfied but not full, and today’s eats were boring.  And it’ll only be more boring tomorrow.  But if I don’t simplify my diet now, I’ll suffer for days, and I don’t want that to happen.

I’m just terrified that I won’t be eating enough.  But I know that if I trust myself to make good food choices in the next few days, I won’t lose any weight.  And if I do, it’ll be because I’m eating intuitively and not starving myself.

Night night! I can’t wait for my day off tomorrow!

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