Maybe I’ll get in trouble for this post. Maybe I won’t. You never know.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been noticing something. Something a bit disturbing. And I posted my thoughts about it on Twitter last night, to a flurry of activity and a lot of agreeance.
I said: “I don’t know if it’s just me but sometimes I read HL blogs and I want to force them to eat more for their activity level. Am I alone?”
Judging by the comments I got, I wasn’t.
Maybe it’s just me. But I really feel like a lot of these ‘healthy living bloggers’ are being everything but.
I am not going to mention names. But the amount of food that these ‘healthy living’ bloggers are eating is not only delusional, it’s dangerous. I feel like a fatass half the time I read these blogs (let’s face it: I’m also 10 pounds heavier than a lot of these bloggers).
But you know what? At 135 pounds I’ve got a booty straight outta Napoli and I ain’t afraid to use it.
I apologize for that Snooki moment. But I’m mad as hell!
It’s not even what people are eating, but how much. Due to my father’s job in sports I am surrounded by the best female athletes in the world. I know what it takes to carb load for 2 hours of strenuous activity, be it weights or cardio. I know what kind of food propels you in a certain way, and what kind of food will make you perform at your best. It’s kind of hysterical that I ever had an eating disorder to begin with, when you look at the great examples I had had in my life prior to developing it. I should have been fueling the way I am now a LONG time ago.
Now, I should probably get somewhere close to 2400 cals a day. Depending, of course, on the amount of working out I plan to do that day. I know some athletes with blogs who don’t post everything they eat, and after some thought and careful deliberation, I have decided that unless it is a new recipe or a restaurant review, I am definitely NOT going to keep posting my meals (unless something is so unbelievably orgasmic you MUST try it). The reason behind this is simple.
Due to my very, very temperamental stomach, I eat the same things (with variation) every single day. I’m pretty sure you will all be bored to tears of oats, green smoothies, nuts, beans, Greek yogurt, seeds, sandwiches, turkey slices, rice cakes, grapefruits, egg sandwiches, chicken salads, tuna fish, fruits, nut butters, greens (so much greens!), and ice cream. And lots of sweet potatoes with tahini and cinnamon on top. Just tahini in general.
Today I looked at some blogs and was positively aghast as to the amounts of food these bloggers are using to fuel themselves for endurance training. My God. I mean, I sometimes have a hard time trying to fuel myself properly after long runs because of how hardcore the ‘I REALLY don’t want food’ feeling hits after you run long. But seriously?
If you’d like to know how a real runner/yogini/lifter fuels themselves, check this ish out.
Breakfast on Friday: Overnight oats with fruit, nuts, oat bran, chia, flax, and tahini.
Lunch post-6m run: G-free bagel (not a bagel thin, I wanted carbs dammit) with 3 egg whites for the protein amount. One bagel half had hummus/tomato paste on it, the other had tahini and fig chutney with the eggs divided up between. Because I’m gross. Lunch dessert was one entire grapefruit (SERIOUSLY, who the heck eats 1/2 a grapefruit!? It’s AIR!) and a handful of cherries
Snack: Greek yogurt with Better’N PB (I like the taste), jam, and a handful of really awesome cinnamon crackers and some blueberries. And more cherries.
Dinner: Chicken with kale and a serving of quinoa cooked with garlic and tomato paste. I also ate some tomato paste by itself. Because again, I am gross.
Dessert: Pound cake with strawberries, coconut ice cream, and chocolate sauce. CHOCOLATE. OMG.
I would have had a banana or something, but sometimes those make me lock up worse than an acquaintance of Lindsay Lohan would her prized jewels.
My meals are huge because I don’t like to snack. Snacking, for me, sends me straight into binge eating. I work out because it’s fun and because I really don’t feel focused unless I sweat but I also work out so I can swan dive into shitloads of food with little to no guilt.
I will never be as rail-thin as I was back in the fall of 2009 ever again.
That’s a promise.
Nor would I ever, ever want to. Are you kidding me? My hair was falling out and I woke up every day in pain. I still don’t have a regular period (although we’re working on it!) and I reflexively check my calories before giving myself a little bit of a mental slap around.
Now, I would gladly take some stomach bloat for the power I feel on my runs, the burn I feel as I lift a higher weight class, the sweat that stings my face as I shift from Warrior One to Two.
I. Eat. A. Lot.
I eat way, way more than these so-called endurance bloggers. I lift weights; heavy weights. I run. I practice steamy dreamy hot yoga in a 100 degree room. I am also a dancer. Not a stripper-dancer, a contemporary dancer. I eat more than my 180 pound weightlifting Division II basketball-playing brother. And that’s saying something.
I could stand more variety in my diet but there is a very tight rotation of foods that I know for a fact won’t make my stomach blow up. Sometimes when it is nice to me I have lots of avocados for the healthy fats. Usually 1/2 of one.
Do I count calories? Yes, to make sure I eat ENOUGH. When I see these ladies saying “I don’t count ANY calories”, then eat pretzels for lunch, I think “Erm…you might want to count.” Everyone who attacks counting calories for the disordered eating patterns they cause…yes, that’s true. But guys. If you want to burn a lot of calories, you have a eat a lot of calories. Okay?
And the quality of those calories is key. Protein for recovery. Carbs for energy. Fats for satiety. And the ephemeral ‘whatever’ calories because dammit sometimes you need a fistful of chocolate.
I’m not recommending eating everything in sight. Those bloggers exist as well. The binge bloggers. The ones who document every single item they binge on. I can’t even deal with those ones anymore not because they trigger me, but because they make me feel so sad. Because I know what that feeling is like. Stopping binge eating takes discipline and care and self-love and understanding of yourself and your body. It was horrendously difficult.
In all? There’s a huge difference between looking like this:
|december 2009, the height of my disorder|
And looking/feeling like this:
|last night before a wedding|
Because bones? Are for dogs.